Tuesday, November 22, 2005

God Does Exist

I read this in a friends blog and thought it ought to be in mine too....(Thanks Ramasubbu for letting me know this story)...

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain andsuffering that I have seen. It's an explanation other people willunderstand.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. Barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe thatGod exists."

Why do you say that?" asked the customer

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sickpeople? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would beneither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all ofthese things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbers shop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair & an un trimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.The customer turned back and entered the barbershop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.

"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed.

"Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point!God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in theWorld."

So much for the power of the Pen

A consolation from the exam on Sunday was that I managed to come in the papers.


I said "This year the paper had a lot less questions compared to last year and also the difficulty level was greater, and therefore the cut offs would be lower."

She understood it as "This year's paper was slightly easier than last year's test," said C. Balasubramaniam, who took CAT for the second time. With over two years' work experience, Balasubramaniam said he hoped to get into a good business school.

Hehe....that too she has mishhpelt my name as Balasubramaniam ....I clearly told her it was C.Balasubramanian.


Now I know what Kushboo feels like.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Are you paid enough?

Well, I took this IQ test in this link:

And according to it, this is my result.

Looks like I should be getting around 56 LPA Indian Rupees for my IQ and I am getting....ahem....better left unsaid :)

It says :

You got 22 questions right out of a possible 25. This gives you a cash/cleverness coefficient of...


Wow. Your IQ is as far above the average for your salary level as the scale permits. What are you doing with your life?

No Comments from my side.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Mega Serial Paapengala?

Ever been a victim of Mega Serials? Your mom watches 'Selvi'? Your dad watches 'Kolangal'? Your grandma just cannot stop discussing 'Chitti'? Your grandpa has put on his speaker phones and can't hear what you are trying to tell him?

And does this happen from 7.30 in the evening to 10 PM in the night, and includes 11.30 in the morning to 2PM in the afternoon

Does your mom spend half an hour over the phone discussing all the episodes she missed with your aunt when all it takes for you to gather what has happened thus far in the story is to just watch the next episode.

Welcome to the club.

If you want to be a mega-serial director all you have to do is to follow the Algorithm:

1) Take a Central Character. (Preferably a female who is between 25-40 years of age).

2) The Central Character of your story faces all kinds of hardships, which belong to the following group:

a) A wicked mother in law who wants nothing but money.
b) A dad who has a secret affair and has had more kids than you know of
(And thereby you have more brothers and sisters than you realise)
c) The central character should face difficulty in Business. All kinds!

3) Atleast 3-4 male characters must cheat on their wives of which even though the wives know of this affair they donot tell it out (because then a Mega - Serial ends, and becomes a Mini Serial)

4) Follow the following nature table :

Read : Character is a ; Age Group ; Behaves like:

a) Female ; 0-16 ; A lovable child who is the apple of the eye of the central character.

16-25 Sister/Half sister/Cousin of central character who loves a boy from some other caste/religion/economic status. Preferably from the enemy family.

25-45 Preferable for the Central Character. Also for Villains. Villains in this category are preferably relatives or half-sister/brother or are brothers/sisters of the central characters spouse who want all the "Soththu" (wealth) or are ex-wives or ex-lovers of central character.
Or last but not least, villains who have been affected by some imaginary deed which central characters dad/mom had done some million years ago.

45-65 Hopeless category for females. Invariably all the females except if you happen to
be the central character (believe me you dont want to choose your central character in this age
group), are jack asses. They are either cruel mother in laws or whining mothers or ex'es
of the central characters dad.

65 + Included in the story just so that they may die when an opportune moment occurs.
Most suited to give good advice to everybody in the story.

b) Male 0-16 A guy who sees a lot of violence in the family and either turns into a villain
or the hero later on

16-25 Brother/Half brother/Cousin of central character who loves a girl from some other
caste/religion/economic status. Preferably from the enemy family.

25-45 Invariably cheats on his wife (if he is not the central character) Has a lot of skeletons in his closet which are not dug out until the very last episode (which is not soon) Preferable for the central character. Sometimes useful as the central "female" characters "good friend" who stands by her during all odds, only to be suspected by the central characters jerk of a husband.

45-65 Hopeless category for men as well. You are either a father in law who cannot control his
wife any longer or are a "dhanda soru" in the family. Jalras are also useful in this category.
Nosy people often fall in this category.

65+ Well, you too are included so you may die when needed the most. Mostly a diabetes patient or rheumatic. Loves the grandchildren and purchases an eclairs chocolate for them with whatever little money he has.

5) Once you decide on the nature table you have to do this:

a) Perform 4-5 marriages. That way, you can get atleast 40-50 episodes in easily (2-3 episodes for preparing for the nichyadhartham, 2-3 for purchases for marriage, 2-3 for marriage itself and 2-3 for post marriage fights/bonding/mother in law sentiments etc).

b) Villain Scores: Throw in a dozen episodes for the villain to win over the central
character in business (such as a court case....believe me court case is the best thing you can bring into your story....not only are you guaranteed of 20 odd episodes, but also it grabs the attention of the audience like no other, and believe me, audience knows nothing about the
judiciary...so you can crap all you want here and noone will notice).

c) 3-4 deaths (all 65+ characters were included in the first place for this)

i) This gives you a preparation for death episode - hospital scenes,
wealth fight scenes,sentiment scenes etc....thereby 3-4 episodes per

ii) Post Death wealth fights can run for 3-4 episodes or more
depending on if they turn into court cases

d) A Plot. Ok....Its not that difficult as it seems. The plot is nothing but letting people know who cheated their wives, who did not and who planted a bomb in the factory of the central character etc. It does not have to be anything ingenious...it just should not be ingenuous.

e) Sentiments. This is very important. In fact, the more you pour into this area, the more you win. Father-in-law to daughter-in-law sentiments. Thaali sentiments. Brother Sister entiments. Husband and wife sentiments. These are most vital. Make sure this is there in all the families that are portrayed.

f) Slow motion and background music : Utterly essential. Your script writer has not written the next episode and you dont know what to telecast? Make one episode into two by making it run in slow motion. Noone will notice as long as the slow motion has background music attached to it.

Very very useful when Central Character delivers Punch Dialogues and walks away

g) The central character suffers throughout the story. This is central. This
is utterly essential. If the central character is happy then it means the serial is over. This is like cricket. Though India keeps losing in cricket people watch it play in the hope that it will win some day. Finally when it wins, it gathers so much support as it never has before.

6) Catch an ex heroine (one who has been in movies in the past) to act as your central character. Somehow familiarity seems to breed viewership.

"Oh yeah, there is that heroine I used to like when I was an adolescent...good thing now I get to see her again. So what if she is old...I am old too"

7) Lastly, the secret formula for a mega serial. Make it last 250 episodes atleast. The longer it runs the better.But 250 episodes is a bare minimum. IF that is not the case, then you ought to be ashamed of your serial.

P.S : A tip to take the cheapest mega serial. Put cameras in the houses of 10-15 families, and telecast the same. But make sure you add in the masala somewhere as sentiments and other stuff rarely happen in real life.


Thanks Adi for tagging me.

Here goes my five:

Five movies which I like the most

1) Tha Matrix Trilogy (English)

2) Braveheart (English)

3) Michael Madhana Kama Rajan (Tamil)

4) Basha (Tamil)

5) Black (Hindi)

Five things I can never live without

1) My heart

2) My lungs

3) My kidney

4) My brain

5) My stomach

Five most favourite celebrities (This list changes :) )

1) Sachin Tendulkar (Cricketer)

2) A R Rahman (Musician)

3) Vivek (Tamil Comedian)

4) Swami Vivekananda (Spiritualist)

5) J K rowling :) ( I know it seems childish....but I just love Harry Potter :) )

Five things I miss now

1) Parents and brother(Living in Chennai)

2) My friends gang (all who are not here with me)

3) My keychain (I left it at home during the recent visit)

4) My childhood

5) My college years

Five things I plan to do in near future

1) Go home and sleep

2) Wake up and eat

3) Watch TV

4) Play Computer Game

5) Come to office and work

Last movie I borrowed to watch & still not given back

1) hehehe...I wont give the answer to this one ! Otherwise my friend who reads this will ask me to give it back

Five books I love

1) Ramayana

2) Mahabharata

3) Harry Potters :)

4) The Greatest Miracle In the World

5) The Dancing Wu Li Masters

Five people I pass this HIGH FIVES to

1) Ksri

2) RL

3) Poorna

4) Kumari

5) Pam

Tamil cinema (Il)L(ai)ogic

1) Thaali sentiment : The "thaali" (mangal sutra), is THE most sacred thing to a woman. He who tries to take it away from her shall feel for it. He who ties it shall relax once the job is done.

Do you want to make a good tamil figure your wife? Just put a yellow thread around her neck and she is all yours.

2) Punch dialogue : "Naa anga vandhaa, nee enga pove?" - Sucks doesn't it? I know. I made this one up.

But so does "Sullaaaann sooooodanen,sulukku eduthuduven" or "Iyya paaka dhaan local, aana all over Tamil nadu kalakkal"

3) The Matrix - Part 824

Screw Gravity. Screw physics. Heros in Tamil Cinema don't know they exist.

The Hero does a bicycle kick on the villain and does a triple flip to kick the two guys who come to him from behind and make a perfect landing. This is perfectly valid and don't you dare question it if the hero kicks a guy who travels 10 metres and breaks a brick wall.

4) Dumb ass villains : 'N' lorries full of villains surround our hero. They have the ultimate "Thirupaachi Aruvaals","Cricket Bats", "Cycle Chains" and what not. But I am surprised as to why they dont all attack at once , and watch as one by one everyone gets his butt kicked.

If I were the villain, I would suggest all of them go and jump on top of the hero all at once and see what he does.

Hmm, but Sankar did try that in Anniyan, when about 50-100 Karate Black belts jumped on top of our hero only to be thrown away like the way bowling pins are knocked all over. So I guess, there really is no way you can kick the hero's ass.

Ever heard of a weapon called the "Gun" ? When will they ever use it?

Oh ya! they did try it against our very own Captain vijayakanth in Narasimha. But did not work. Sadly Tamil Cinema heros are faster than bullets, so they cant be hit by them.

5) Sentiment :

"Maattu ponnunna maadu maadhiri pottu adipengalada?"

Wondering who delivered this one? Not me. Our very own T.Rajendhars dialogue in one of the movies.

I say "Maatu ponnunna maadu maadhiri thirumbi odhaikka vendiyadhu dhaane"

That should solve the issue.

6) Dance among the heavens: The hero comes from a local galeej area. The heroine has never set foot outside the agraharam. The two see each other. They fall in love. And out of nowhere 10 stupid ass guys come behind the hero and start dancing. Another 10 dumb ass females who forgot to wear a saree, come and dance behind our heroine
and we find ourselves visiting Switzerland, Austalia and what not?

I wish I find these guys in the streets, but they just dont want to dance with me when I try to start a dance :(

7) Story - Rich Heroine. Poor Hero. Heroines dad/mama = Villain. Heroine is a spoilt brat. Hero is an unblemished ass kicker. Hero teaches heroine that heroine sucks. So heroine loves hero. Gives up her ego. Gives up her wardrobe(which
rarely had any dress that could cover more than 2 feet of body btw). Villain interferes and gets his ass kicked. They all live happily ever after. In between the above 1-6 points take place wherever applicable.

8) Police - Pick up the remains. Once you see the Police, you know that the Climax is over.

9) Villain's dialogues - Why does the villain not just shoot the goddamm hero straightaway and have to give a lecture explaining how and why he did all the things which nobody knew till then.

To top it, he would make the hero stand on a melting ice-cube with a noose around his neck, so that another hero has enough time to come and rescue him, eventually kicking villains ass.

My God, can Villains be any dumber.

My advice to all you Tamil Cinema Villains : You capture the hero? Shoot him. Just f***ing shoot him. Don't talk.

10) Love - Love to Indian Cinema is Kung-Fu to Chinese Cinema. You just can't afford not to have-em.