Monday, June 01, 2009

"Oh you are from IIM- you must be earning in crores?"

This is the first thing I hear whenever someone hears that I am from IIM B. I do not know who I hate more - the person who pops this stupid question or the newspapers which mention all sorts of things painting a rosy picture about the IIMs.

First of all, an income of USD 100000 is not equal to f***ing Rs.50 lakhs. There are things like taxes, cost of living, purchase power parity and so on. So if some IIM grad is getting paid in foreign currency, then it is bound to appear like a huge deal when converted into Indian currency.

Believe, me, in India, you DONT get paid in crores unless you are in the board of directors of a company or some senior vice president.

Instead of converting the dollars/pounds to rupees, lets all do this. We will all go to Vietnam and convert the dollars there to the local currency Dong (present conversion is 1 USD = 17700 Dongs). So the Vietnam newspaper would report - "IIM grad gets Vietnam Dong 3 billion as salary. IIM Grads are billionaires.".

Calling us as crorepatis right now is as absurd as a Vietnamese calling an IIM grad a trillionaire.

What kind of a dumb mannerless (DM in short) idiot will you be to ask someone "Hey what is your salary?"

2 things you should never ask are, a woman her age and a man his package(we mean all packages btw). They just hate it when you do. So if you are reading this and you have already asked someone his/her salary, then you are a dumb mannerless idiot. If you havent, then dont be one.

Ok, now to the more interesting thing.

Ever since the recession started, all the people I meet seem to get some sadistic pleasure in popping the same "DM question" to me. They hope against all hope that I will cut a sorry puppy dog face and complain that this year the placement season was bad and that I landed up in a company where even my driver would not have joined last year. In case I reply in the same manner then they are elated. Their day is made. (remember, they are still wiping the same table but the fact that I am wiping the next table after coming out of IIM, makes them doubly happy)! What dumb mannerless sadists!

Oh man!, reminds me of a joke

It is Queen Elizabeths birthday and our dear Santa and Banta decide to take her a gift. Santa takes a bag full of coconuts and Banta takes a bag full of betel nuts. Once they reach the palace, they find that everyone has bought diamonds and gold and other jewellery as gift to the queen when our two dumbos have taken a really stupid gift. This infuriates the queen and she asks the guards to shove the nuts into their asses.

They get dragged off, and as the betel nuts are being shoved into Bantas ass, he keeps laughing. The guard is surprised and asks "Hey Banta, we are shoving these Betel nuts in your ass, and how is it that you are not in pain and are laughing?"

Banta says, "The mere thought that Santa is getting a bucket load of coconuts into his ass makes me feel so happy"
So if you are Banta - here is my reply to you

"This year also IIMs had a 100% placement record. The average salary has not gone down. The profile of the companies coming to the IIMs are different this year compared to last. However, everyone is well placed, and in very plum jobs - the kind of job your mom and dad want you to be in. So stop popping the stupid dumb ass mannerless questions and get back to work."

Jokes apart,

The times are bad. Everyone knows it. It is basic decency that you do not ask embarassing questions to a person who is already not in the place he/she would have ideally wanted to be. People eventually reach their goals - wherever they be. Please do not embarass a student from an IIM just because the times are bad. Remember, that any day, you yourself would want to study in such colleges if you had the opportunity. Before you make fun of a student from IIM - think for a moment what you would give to study in such an institution and then pass the comments.

In fact, what you are doing is really "Sour Grapes" - I do not want to sound arrogant here that I am from an IIM. However, there are so many instances in my life, where people say things like "you are from an elite institution, is this how you behave, is this how you blah, is this how you boo". We are also humans first. Secondly, we have proven our capabilities in many a sphere to be where we are. We are proud of what we are but not arrogant. If you are not where we are, then it does not make you any less special. So stop treating yourself like you are less special.

I can only speak for myself. I have met some of the most brainy people in the world at IIM B. I have worked the hardest in my 2 years there. I have put as many night outs as I have never in my life before. I have slogged so hard, that hard work is now a habit for me and for my 250 batchmates. It is not without merit that Sachin is who he is, Abdul Kalam is who he is and an IIM is what it is.

So finally, the lessons we have learnt today - in case you are one of those dumb mannerless idiot are:

1) Dont ask someone his/her salary and about how the placements were in his/her college

2) Dont laugh at someone because he/she is in the same misery as you. Instead you try to get out of your misery (you might want to think of Banta here)

3) Dont cry sour grapes