The Wonder that is called Woman

Disclaimer : Ya ya ... I have to start with one when it is a controversial topic :D

0) Adult material. Kids please go away. Parents be warned.
1) The below is just for fun - all ye Womens Liberation Front leaders...no comments please...this is for fun
2) It does not in any manner seek to demean or insult any of the women folk. I just love them too much. They are Awesome. They are Legendary. I can't live without them.
3) Women are better than men. Period.
4) I am a feminist. Go ladies.
5) (Menfolk, please note that I am committed, and hence I have to give this disclaimer. Please do not get angry with me. If you are married/committed yourself you will understand why I say so. If you are single and not Gay, then maybe someday you will)

After having a lot of fun @ office about the classic men vs. women debate, I thought I will pen down some of the things I have always wondered about women.

(if you are reading this and you are my fiancee then this does not apply to you)

1) I have always wondered about the contents of a womans purse - my guess is it has some sticker pottu (bindis), a nail polish, a smalll mirror, a lipstick, an eyeliner, a comb, some more make-up items, a smalllll kerchief and a wallet (which conveniently will have only their bus pass and Rs. 10 for emergency situations (what if they lose the bus pass - they have to get home no).

2) Women have all the fun in the world

- You have separate Buses for them
- You have separate lounges in railway stations for them
- You have reservation for women
- You have separate railway coaches for them
- You have a Womans day
- You are arrested if she complains to the cops that you whistled at her (even if you were in fact whistling at the hot chic standing next to her)
- A woman can coo-chi-coo another woman, kiss her and do all kindsa stuff (which we want to do to a woman too), but if a guy does that to another guy - YUCK...the thought of doing it is itself enough to make you a gay

3) I find women very complex.

No seriously.

Men - we just need a few basic stuff - food, sex, sleep and sports. If we have that, then we are happy.

But what makes a woman happy? - you give them money, then they want attention. You give them attention, then they want to be called pretty. You call them pretty then they ask if the think the other hot chic is prettier. You say no and then they still suspect you. You say you love them and they ask if you love them more than Cricket. You say yes and they still suspect you. You give them sex, and they like to rather talk before/after the sex. You give them food and they say they will get fat. You don't give them food they say that we dont care. Ask them if they want to watch football and they say it is not a girls sport. Ask them if they want to play barbie they say "how male chauvunist of you"

Chris Tucker once said very truly. A woman wants "EVVVVVERRRRRYYYYTTTHHHING". Believe him dudes. She does.

4) I have always wondered if God has a separate pair of eyes for Men and Women.

The colors I know are, Blue,
Red, Yellow, Green, White and Black. And the dark and light versions of these.

The colors a woman knows are - Dark Blue, Light Blue, Peacock Blue, Ajanta Blue, Raama Blue, Navy Blue, Ocean Blue, Sky Blue.....(ok so you got the point)....

5) When we pick a shirt we check the color, the style and price and make the purchase.

Approximate time of shopping = 3-15 minutes
Approximate average Cost - Rs. 1000

When girls pick a dress - they check the color, the style, the price, is this better than the one their neighbor wore in the last party, is this dress going to show them as slim, is this "value for money", have we spent atleast 5 hours in this shop, would a salwar be better for the occassion or would it have to be a sari or a jeans and t-shirt or a skirt, is it too conservative, is it similair to one of the 1000 dresses I already have

Approximate time of shopping - 8 hours (and 23 headaches later, for the guy)
Approximate average cost - A large hole in his pocket

6) Guys check out girls - ok so that we know
Girls also check out girls - :( ...I recently learnt this guys.
And yes, they check-out the exact same things that we do. Ya, you know what I mean.

7) Why do they always have to ask the following dreaded questions (DQ in short)
- "Do I look fat?"
- "Do I look pretty?"
- "Is she more beautiful than me?"
- "Does this dress look good on me?"
Do you ever spot a dude popping "Hey baby. How does this Jeans look on my ass?" question? How about a dude asking "Do you think I am more intelligent than that geeky boy"
We don't ask such questions because we already know the answer.

One piece of advice to dudes - when you get suddenly hit by a DQ, you have the following options
- Quickly run to the bathroom and pretend to stay there till she forgets that question
- Practice Spontaneous Lying at the face - believe me, this is useful - you should not even blink - you think and you are screwed...you need to be so quick at answering these questions, that she should not think that you have even "considered" "thinking" that "she is fat" or that "she is not pretty"
- Cry and then divert the topic
- Speak the truth - And subsequently get clobbered.

8) Its ok if a girl says "She was selected in the interview because she had great racks"
It is not ok if a guy says the same. :(

9) I wonder Which is faster - Speed of light or the speed of a gossip travelling from the girl who is your best friend to the girl you hoped never finds out about it?

Seriously dudes, if it is a secret, Keep it.
IF you want the world to know, then tell any girl.

10) After being such an honest person they call me a male chauvunistic pig. I wonder why.

Yours Truly